I'm frustrated with my self. I have several beautiful journals that are all half-filled. And when I see a new beautiful journal I want to write in it, determining in my mind that I will finish this one, yes this one I will finish! Alas, it never happens, and history remains the same. Such is the story of my life. :-p

It's so easy to forget that someone's sin, even if it seems worse than my own, is no different than mine. Lord help me to love people the way you love them. Sin all looks the same to You. It just separates us. It drives a barrier between us. Let intimacy with you be my one desire... my one aim. 

From a different angle...

In the past couple of months there has been one scripture that I find myself going back to again and again. I even found a song based on the passage that brings it to life and fills me with so much peace. We've all heard it many times....

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." ~Psalm 91:1

Up until now I have looked at this scripture from one angle. Clearly it speaks about our protection when we abide in the secret place of the Lord. I get a picture of little chicks under their mother's caring wing in a rainstorm. The 'Father side' of God's heart is manifested as He hides us under His wing when we choose to abide in Him.

Just yesterday I was saying this scripture out loud and a revelation came to me. Earlier in the day I had expressed to my mom a feeling of being in a certain person's shadow repeatedly. Many times feeling unnoticed and overlooked. I had often fought jealousy and struggled to rejoice in their prosperity. As I was laying this at the Lord's feet yet again, yesterday morning , He set me with a mission to seek after His heart.. To dwell in the secret place. For "he who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." What a thought to "be in His shadow" in this sense. When we spend time in the secret...in the quiet place, we are in His shadow and no human's. When people look at us they are engrossed with Him.

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name." ~Psalm 91

Beauty for Ashes

"...to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor." ~Isaiah 61:3

He gives us beauty for ashes. Think of that. What are ashes?

According to a dictionary...

ash–noun
1. the powdery residue of matter that remains after burning.

In other words: it's what is left after the fires have come and devoured.

It makes me think... He gives us beauty for ashes. Why ashes? Why that particular analogy? I think it can mean different things, especially for different walks in life. Ashes are ugly and messy. He takes our ugliness. All the loathsome thoughts. All the impure motives and restores us. But I also think it carries a slightly different meaning...

The Lord himself allows us to go through fires. He allows the burning to take place. When He gives us beauty for ashes, I believe He was the one who has caused us to become ashes in the first place. He often brings us to the rawest, most vulnerable states in order to construct and mold something infinitely beautiful.

"...the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." ~Proverbs 3:12

You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

I cannot wait till the place of no goodbyes. The place where tears are no more and friendships are everlasting...

Today I sadly stood and waved goodbye to my best friend as she drove down our driveway and onto the road of independence. My sister Elise was off to Kansas City. With all the tears that followed an onlooker might have guessed that she was leaving forever. In reality they were only evidence of the fact that she left us with more than an empty bedroom. She has never been gone for more than two weeks, and the realization that I will no longer be able to sit on her bed and talk any time I wish is beginning to hit me like a blow to the face.

There is a familiar saying, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone." I fear that I took her for granted at times. Everything she did. Always serving. Always loving. Just being her beautiful self. I love an miss her, and I know that my future times with her will be rich and all the more treasured.

To Gaze Upon His Beauty

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
~Psalm 27:4

I can't tell you how much this scripture has become real to me over this last week. I have this burning in my heart. I want to gaze on the beauty of the Lord. I want to search Him out. He's a shoreless ocean. A bottomless well. He is the Author of Life.

You're all I want.

You're all I need.

You're everything.